I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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