I look better un-naked...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
