3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
