I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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