I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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