i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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