You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
