And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
