I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
