You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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