you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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