Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i think i have herpe
just one?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
