so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
