I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
