I think scott just propositioned me for sex
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
