just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
