Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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