I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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