He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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