Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
