I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
