I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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