put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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