FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
