another moral hangover. fuck.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
