I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm getting married
To pizza
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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