Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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