If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
