So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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