Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
