We left an ass print on the piano.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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