a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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