During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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