Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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