There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize