well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
