It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
