Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
