I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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