i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
