dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
