It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
