theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
