Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
