p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize