How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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