I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
