i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
