Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
