I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
