All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dignity is for republicans.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
