i just made my gag reflex go away.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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