so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
