Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
