she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
