I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
