I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
