She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
