I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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