just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sext me about skeletons
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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