I hope mine doesn't look like that
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
