honey bunches of taint.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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