I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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