mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
