please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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