Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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