You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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