Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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