At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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